Sometimes the most precious moments of one’s life happen in a split second. If one happens not to notice that second in their life…
April 3, 2010
Apparently, I “just existed” all these years after starting over. What does that mean? I have been living life, right? Dang, all this time. I am beginning to realize what being present and participating in life is about. This is a story about recovery of a life at last.
A vivid memory that comes to mind is recall of the first day I felt happy. The feeling was such an incredible overwhelming very unfamiliar sense of thrilling exhilaration. So much so that I shared my experience with Michael, my doctor.
I am sitting in Bill’s wildflower garden at the shaded end of the house. I am conscientiously pulling the winter leaves away, gently now. I remember Bill’s warning to be careful not to break the spores. My mind begins to wonder about spores: how big they are, etc. My thoughts return very tiny, miniscule. Spores are the first indicator wildflowers are taking off for spring. I find myself looking for them in this private, personal patch of beauty. All righty, then.
I see blood root and wood anemone sprigs poking up from mother earth, bishop’s hat in the early stages and plenty of yellow and maroon trillium everywhere. Then I see his pièce de resistance! His favorite of all his wildflowers, fawns breath. This prized wildflower bush has not been seen for more than 7 years, 3 of those years before Bill passed away. Throughout this 7-year span, his fawn’s breath did not grow every year as perennials generally do. I was resolved that this jewel would not ever be seen again here. Until now. I am beside myself when I see one, no two stalks jutting upward. I am ecstatic and filled with elation. What joy and happiness!
During this precious second, I feel Bill with me. In this same instant, I feel Jane with me too. Without either of them, my story is not possible.
HE IS FOREVER WITH ME 