FRINGE

Sadly, fringe.

Not diminishing life one iota.

Just the reason believing came easy.

Not shared fearing isolation, estrangement.

Admonishment of insanity by society whole.

Never feeling quite the fit to humanity.

Back to believing.

Accepting norm never set right.

Pretending to be average, steady as she goes like.

But turbulent underneath to core.

Wanting to break away from the pack.

Desire to wander from the herd. 

Spirit’s energy abounds morn to nigh.

Presence with, always.

That’s what kept separate earthly life.

Knowing there is more, living more, being more.

More than words, sights, sounds.

Walking with assurance — find more

Reality unbelieved by many.

History discarded as extravagant, embellished.

Memories called out as lies.

Extremism in horror minimized tell.

Fear of loss, dear granny. 

Secrets hid deep or so was thought. 

The abuse.

Taken life.

Hospital underground.

Trading pictures.

Price, almost life.

The save?

Reach to the heavens in prayer.

In that moment only God can save.

The moonlight’s pond glare,

calm voice, edge distancing,

knowing end is close.

Peace falls for exit walk.

Pooch Positive

Keeping a positive attitude speaks volumes to each day as I rise to greet the coming dawn. Focusing constantly on optimistic thoughts has been said to manifest the best ideas into existence in relationships and surroundings. I discovered early in my life that having pets was extremely effective in helping fulfill this setting.

I have enjoyed many dogs and an occasional cat throughout my years. I remember my first family pet as a wagging happy go lucky dog that romped from room to room when awakening the household each morning. Monty would run from my room to my brothers’ rooms to my parent’s room in a routine. If I was up already moving around, he would jump up on me. If I was still in bed, he would hop on my bed and lick my face to awaken me wanting attention. This start made me smile every time and unknowingly created a very uplifting mood. What a blessing this dog introduced to my life that continued throughout all my years to follow.

I owned dogs over the years and can’t really remember a time I did not have one. Some wandered into my life; some were discovered amongst a pile of stray pups in the woods across the street from where I lived. I found homes for four of the strays and kept the runt of the litter. Maxine became a close buddy that I was allowed to take to work with me every day. This close companionship enlightened me about the support a pet can bring to your life.

Pets share their cheerfulness and love with you. They contribute to a very positive environment that will keep you motivated and inspire you to LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST!

Never Back Down

I discovered firm decisions are hard to come by when most of my life I would go with the flow. I found situations less combative to oppose rules and regulations, whether directly or not applied to my actions. Communication restrictions were the worst. Who I talked to, when and why got to an extreme. I found every aspect of any day was controlled by another person close to me.

Eventually for me, the time for a change arrived. No matter how difficult, I had to grow a backbone to have a life. I no longer wanted to fake it until I could make it like I had done in the past. In other words, I modified my perspective to face the opposition if I did not agree with it.

I altered my behavior to get up early and work hard every day. This became my mindset. I realized I am the only one that sticks up for me. If I fall, I stand back up. If I fail, I face it again. Do a little better the second time around. Fail again? Get back up and go a third time.

Kind of like get knocked down, rise back up, repeat if needed. I remind myself to build on the last progress point. Whether the result is fail or success, I will stand up for myself and do the best next time. Always remember, get back up and give the best you can every time. This takes practice.

Become your own superhero. Always remember to “stand up and NEVER BACK DOWN!”            

Perfection No Longer


Perfection is not all it is cracked up to be. Along with stress, anxiety and possible high blood pressure comes negative perception of self because nobody is perfect. A child abuse victim often feels if I am picture perfect then maybe none of this harm would happen to me. Behaviors of exactness build to hide the hostility occurring. Victims conjure up the possibility that flawless performance may change circumstances.

Blackmail to keep my perpetrator’s secret quiet was extreme in my situation. I was threatened into believing if my grandmother discovered what was happening to me, “it would kill her.”

What 12-year-old wants to think they could be the one who destroys their granny? I certainly did not desire being responsible for murdering her. So, I did everything possible to keep her from knowing what horror was repeatedly being inflicted on me. This included masquerading around her with excellence. I graduated in the top 10 percent of my class in high school. Nobody would think I was covering up such atrocities if I performed immaculately. This situation drove me to attempt 100 percent constantly.

During my healing and recovery, I work hard to be okay with less than. I am less driven, which is not a bad thing. Falling short is okay. I am glad I focused on this aspect of self-improvement and still do.

Effort to change my life this way is worth the outcome. I am much HAPPIER NOW!



Beware The Rut

Recovery from trauma does not happen overnight. You may find that healing occurs like peeling away layers of an onion to work on one at a time. The iterative process is painstaking but well worth the effort.


The tendency to pause too long in a particular spot along the way can occur. I found the dedication to the recuperation process exhaustive, sometimes making it easy to stay in one place longer than I should.


When an individual is conditioned to a particular behavior because of repeated abuse, the natural
response is to engage in that practice and let time go by until we are ready to approach learning to live differently.

Don’t get stuck in a rut.


Accepting relationships that are not good because there is a portion that fills a need is one of the
hardest things to grow past. Rather than escaping a toxic association because there is an element of love there keeps you snared. Do not let that stop you from changing the scenario. I find myself less stressed and much happier.


Remember, disengage unhealthy environments sooner rather than later to ultimately lead to a better life!

To Live

To run, one must learn to walk. 

To have direction, one must learn to walk slowly. 

To love, one must learn to walk slowly, carefully. 

To live, walking slowly, carefully is not enough. 

One must be aware and beware

of the obstacles that will tear 

the heart and soul from pleasure, 

the things that we all treasure. 

So, look where you walk,  

Beware and aware

of the heart and soul;

the treasure is precious…if you find it. 

For one must look long and hard, 

Overcome obstacles that seem like mountains, 

Cross streams that seem like oceans, 

To find your treasure and live! 

​​​~ 9/84 

​​​Rfreed

Think God – Thank God!

When things are crazy-making and I find myself doubting, I practice a new routine. I am getting better and better with repetition every hour, every day. I stop whatever I’m doing, and I think of God. Immediately following this thought that centers me with His peace and comfort, I thank God. Whatever the situation, the circumstance or the interaction that is present in that moment is put on hold and I think of God. The Holy Spirit swells up within me and I know I have passed the trying event. I stand with my Father and thank Him. The moment can be good, bad, or indifferent, but my allegiance is to the One that has taken care of me my entire life.

When in spiritual battle I must admit the strength gathered arms me for whatever has come to pass. I know I can weather anything when the Lord is with me.

Think God, THANK GOD is my mantra now and FOREVER.  

My Heart Cries

We join to rejoice for service to the country.

I cry.

I want to rejoice with all my heart,

but naught, the torrid shadow keeps me.

I sit and listen and am proud

Our troops fight for freedom.

Against terrorism, you say?

What about the terror brought home?

The cost to our own.

I am honored we send aid to suppressed,

but at the expense of me

being permanently depressed?

Not just the soldiers give their life,

but children left parent-less, grandparent-less,

brother-less, or sister-less.

What about that profound expense?

Back to the terror brought home,

the madness, the nightmares, the PTSD.

Can what we see be unseen?

Not so much.

I realize the horror endured,

but few as long as mine lasted.

How can I be gracious

when the sacrifice was me?

I cry more.

Does anyone hear me?

Does anyone give a damn?

Does everyone suffer

damaging collateral abuse?

I wonder sometimes,

all the above?

My Heart Cries.

Dust of Peace

I have this place I go where the silence is clear.

   I praise and thank God while here with prayer.

Peace is the focus today.

            Praying and thanking Him for his grace and mercy.

As I pull dead leafy stems from below new springing stalks,

            An open peace lily bloom jostles back and forth.  

From the pistols pollen dustings fall.

            My heart hears the Holy Spirit speak “Dust of peace” to you!  

Searing this image to memory instills His peace within me.

            How incredible He touches this moment.

I breathe in deeply and absorb the view,  

            Watching tiniest of peace sprinkles waft to hardwood floor.

Reflecting those seconds, I lean closer to the flowering creation.

Reaching in, I point the peace bloom skyward.

The urge to sniff overtakes and intense sweetness catches my smell.

I bury my face into His beautiful reminder of peace.

                                                                                    ~ Rachell Freed

                                                                                        5/11/2023

What a gift!

Don’t forget to take time today for self ~

Family Love

Fear of truths hold me back,

Support to tell secrets is what I lack;

Family love forms the home.

So why do I feel so alone?

Trust and security is what should exist,

Safety from harm at its best;

When these feelings are not there,

Trust is gone, and I don’t care!

RFreed – October 3, 1992