The little pastel pink, yellow and green daisy fresh flowers dotted the dust ruffle of the bedspread, falling into place over the cassette recorder’s hiding spot under the far side of the bed from the doorway.
My index finger slides from the record button at the same moment and the tape guides begin to spin. My father had blocked the door frame to force confrontation. Yes, again.
My lawyer knew that at some point the legislators would listen to the tape which she had professionally transcribed and that they would recognize my father’s dominating and loud tone similar to a Southern Baptist preacher. The cadence in building drama and emotion was powerful while my father exclaimed how selfish I was. He had stated that he had given me home and food and everything needed, yet I wouldn’t share a part of my anatomy with him.
He asked if I remembered the first time.
“I just called you over and pulled your panties out and looked at your …”
Yes, of course I remembered the first time and unfortunately every other one also, even though he said, “It’s just been once every week or two.”
The taped conversation clearly showed that he even knew it was wrong when he said, “I have hardly ever done anything for myself except for what little bit of liberties I have taken with you.”
He complained, saying, “I can’t understand why there are so many people in the world who are free and open about sex, and yet you and others like your mom think it’s dirty.”
When I told him it was wrong, he asked why, and I said it’s adultery because we aren’t married.
He continued with, “All I have asked for is a little bit of compassion. Why is it so important to you? More important than anything in the world.”
Yes, the tape made clear that he wanted and took more than just a little bit of my time. And when the legislators did hear it, they accepted the absolute proof beyond just my memories.
HE IS FOREVER WITH ME 